Isreal- wrestling with God

Lets talk about my relationship with God. Its not going very well right now. I feel like I am fighting with God. Kinda like Israel. I know that He is there and that He is holy but I am struggling with Him. A couple of weeks ago I think everything just came to tip. For the past year I have felt my desire weaken for God. Much like my brother and one of my close friends I have lost all desire to DO the "TO DO" list in Christianity. I talked to my brother Michael about it and he had made a comment that has impacted me. He said are you doing the "TO DO" list for God or because you care about what the church thinks of you. And I have to admit that the majority of my motive is for approval from people. I should be doing them because I want to for God. Some examples would be; praying, reading, discipling, going to church service, going to small group, reading any book. I know that it sounds like a really easy lesson but not for me. Now Michael has not gone to church in over a year and yet he has learned to make his relationship between God and him, not between the church, God and him. Does that make sense? Now I am not sure that I completely agree with pulling out of community but I think that what he is doing takes more faith then we think. I think to my self, what freedom he must have. Not feeling obligated to do stuff but to do it only because he loves the Lord and wants to do it. Now, everything in me wants to disagree with this. I am pretty big on accountability and surrounding yourself with friends so that you want fall. But heres the catch; Michael told me that he was meeting with an accountability partner. WOW! Doing it for God, not for people or the church. What faith that must take..... And quite frankly I am sick of religious people, and I was one of them!!! Those who carry a holier then thou attitude. Let me tell you something, NO ONE is holier than thou in the kingdom of God. Get off your high horse. I don't care if you pray everyday or read the bible everyday or if you don't. You are not better than anyone! I don't care if you go to church every week and give 20% or if you don't go to church at all. If you believe in God and that Christ came down and died for all of us and when you accept Him He forgives you, then you MUST believe that He loves every human for just the way they are! Now, I don’t agree with people who claim to be Christian and yet are hypocrites; if you are going to intentionally sin then don’t claim yourself to be a Christ follower! But I think that if don’t do what the "church" wants us to do that is okay! Have we asked God what HE wants us do to? The problem is, that half the time I don’t hear Him and I turn to the church for advice and end up doing what people want and not what God wants. This is why I admire my brother so much. What would be the last thing that the "church" would tell you? To stop coming right? Well, Michael has sought out God instead! What faith.... To go against people and do what he needed to do with God.

Life in a nut shell

Where to start.... I am not very good at this blogging thing, because by time I get around to it there is so much to talk about. The past two months have been a hard two months. Where to even start...
First let me tell you about my prince charming. When Jamie and I got married I heard a lot about how hard it is to be married and that hopefully it would work out between to two of us. And let me tell you, married life (at least to Jamie) is the best thing in the world. You have someone to go through life together, no matter what life tries to put in your way. He is not only my husband but my best friend. We have so much fun together. We just hit our 6 month mark. I was lucky enough to wake up to an orchid plant from Selby Gardens, where we got married. (Jamie got lots of points for that one.) Not only is it from Selby but on our honeymoon we went to an orchid garden. (I love orchids)
Jamie started his job in Naples. He really hates the commute and his boss, but he is really good at what he does! He built the most beautiful hand rails! We have been hoping for a job in Sarasota but with the job situation its hard right now, and we are thankful for what we have.

We have had some dog troubles. A couple of weeks ago we had to put down our family dog, scruffy. I took this a lot harder than I thought I would. But to make matters worst, that same day Selby our puppy started to poop blood and throw up. We took her in and $350 the doc gave her some shots and she feels better. But now she went into heat. What a bloody mess and the Leigh house.

This Christmas will be our first Christmas together and I am so excited! It will be a lot different then the past 22 years. My family will be in Colorado and it will be just Jamie and I. Its kinda a bitter sweat moment. I am excited to start our own family traditions but said not to be with the Lockhart's.

I started a new job with Tommy Bahama's and rumor has it that you have the potential to make 50,000 a year, which would be double what I made at the egg. So far I like it. Everyone has worked there for many years so I kinda feel like the odd ball but that will only take time. I am really beginning to like it. I kinda feel like a stay at home wife because I am able to take care of the house during the day and then work and night. The actual work itself is half of the work at the Egg as well, so I am not nearly as tired when I get home.

We got pre-approved for a house. We didn't get a lot of $$ but it is a huge blessing that we even got approved! I would like to start looking for a house now but Jamie says we have to wait till the beginning of March. We took a long weekend up to Chattanooga to look around and found out that we didn't like it as much as Sarasota. Its a lot prettier to drive through then to live in.
We will come off Birth Control once we move into the new house and leave it up to God when a baby will come.