Isreal- wrestling with God

Lets talk about my relationship with God. Its not going very well right now. I feel like I am fighting with God. Kinda like Israel. I know that He is there and that He is holy but I am struggling with Him. A couple of weeks ago I think everything just came to tip. For the past year I have felt my desire weaken for God. Much like my brother and one of my close friends I have lost all desire to DO the "TO DO" list in Christianity. I talked to my brother Michael about it and he had made a comment that has impacted me. He said are you doing the "TO DO" list for God or because you care about what the church thinks of you. And I have to admit that the majority of my motive is for approval from people. I should be doing them because I want to for God. Some examples would be; praying, reading, discipling, going to church service, going to small group, reading any book. I know that it sounds like a really easy lesson but not for me. Now Michael has not gone to church in over a year and yet he has learned to make his relationship between God and him, not between the church, God and him. Does that make sense? Now I am not sure that I completely agree with pulling out of community but I think that what he is doing takes more faith then we think. I think to my self, what freedom he must have. Not feeling obligated to do stuff but to do it only because he loves the Lord and wants to do it. Now, everything in me wants to disagree with this. I am pretty big on accountability and surrounding yourself with friends so that you want fall. But heres the catch; Michael told me that he was meeting with an accountability partner. WOW! Doing it for God, not for people or the church. What faith that must take..... And quite frankly I am sick of religious people, and I was one of them!!! Those who carry a holier then thou attitude. Let me tell you something, NO ONE is holier than thou in the kingdom of God. Get off your high horse. I don't care if you pray everyday or read the bible everyday or if you don't. You are not better than anyone! I don't care if you go to church every week and give 20% or if you don't go to church at all. If you believe in God and that Christ came down and died for all of us and when you accept Him He forgives you, then you MUST believe that He loves every human for just the way they are! Now, I don’t agree with people who claim to be Christian and yet are hypocrites; if you are going to intentionally sin then don’t claim yourself to be a Christ follower! But I think that if don’t do what the "church" wants us to do that is okay! Have we asked God what HE wants us do to? The problem is, that half the time I don’t hear Him and I turn to the church for advice and end up doing what people want and not what God wants. This is why I admire my brother so much. What would be the last thing that the "church" would tell you? To stop coming right? Well, Michael has sought out God instead! What faith.... To go against people and do what he needed to do with God.

Life in a nut shell

Where to start.... I am not very good at this blogging thing, because by time I get around to it there is so much to talk about. The past two months have been a hard two months. Where to even start...
First let me tell you about my prince charming. When Jamie and I got married I heard a lot about how hard it is to be married and that hopefully it would work out between to two of us. And let me tell you, married life (at least to Jamie) is the best thing in the world. You have someone to go through life together, no matter what life tries to put in your way. He is not only my husband but my best friend. We have so much fun together. We just hit our 6 month mark. I was lucky enough to wake up to an orchid plant from Selby Gardens, where we got married. (Jamie got lots of points for that one.) Not only is it from Selby but on our honeymoon we went to an orchid garden. (I love orchids)
Jamie started his job in Naples. He really hates the commute and his boss, but he is really good at what he does! He built the most beautiful hand rails! We have been hoping for a job in Sarasota but with the job situation its hard right now, and we are thankful for what we have.

We have had some dog troubles. A couple of weeks ago we had to put down our family dog, scruffy. I took this a lot harder than I thought I would. But to make matters worst, that same day Selby our puppy started to poop blood and throw up. We took her in and $350 the doc gave her some shots and she feels better. But now she went into heat. What a bloody mess and the Leigh house.

This Christmas will be our first Christmas together and I am so excited! It will be a lot different then the past 22 years. My family will be in Colorado and it will be just Jamie and I. Its kinda a bitter sweat moment. I am excited to start our own family traditions but said not to be with the Lockhart's.

I started a new job with Tommy Bahama's and rumor has it that you have the potential to make 50,000 a year, which would be double what I made at the egg. So far I like it. Everyone has worked there for many years so I kinda feel like the odd ball but that will only take time. I am really beginning to like it. I kinda feel like a stay at home wife because I am able to take care of the house during the day and then work and night. The actual work itself is half of the work at the Egg as well, so I am not nearly as tired when I get home.

We got pre-approved for a house. We didn't get a lot of $$ but it is a huge blessing that we even got approved! I would like to start looking for a house now but Jamie says we have to wait till the beginning of March. We took a long weekend up to Chattanooga to look around and found out that we didn't like it as much as Sarasota. Its a lot prettier to drive through then to live in.
We will come off Birth Control once we move into the new house and leave it up to God when a baby will come.

Jacksonville beats Denver

This past weekend Jamie, Dad, and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the first half of the football game. We ate lots of greezzy food. After the first half we went back to Dad's house to watch the second half and have a chess rematch. This time Jamie played Dad, then I was to play the winner. Well the results were: Dad is a really big LOOSER, Jamie kicked his butt! Then Jamie was a really big LOOSER when I kicked his butt!
Mom is coming home this week so there wont be any more chess games for a while, so as it stands I am Champion of the chess board! :)

I started the women's ministry on Saturday and it went unbelievable. We are currently doing a discipleship program, which means we are paired up with one or two other women for a year. God paired me up with the perfect women! She's a new believer and has a lot of the same back round as me. I am very excited about this! I love ministering to other women.

Jamie's job is still pending on moving to Naples. We are thinking it will happen at the end of this month.

An average day for Mrs. Leigh

Today was an awesome day. I have had the past two days off and was ready to get back to work. I was blessed that I didn't have to be in till 9:30am. I slept in till 8! Got up and drank some "delish" coffee that my husband made me, and took a walk. I used to prayer walk all the time but since we got married I have fallen out of the habit. Well guess what, its time to start again. I walked around our condo complex and loved it. Its so refreshing to start your day out with a nice long walk with God.
Jamie and I have a competition going on with how much we both walk throughout our day. I took one of those pedometer things (those things that count how much you walk in a day.)to work today and I walk on an average, 1 mile an hour! That's a lot of walking.
Well that was my day. We go to small group tonight and that's always good.
Talk at you later....

Its been a long time

To be honest, it seems like the times I need to blog I don't feel like it.

There has been so much that has happened in the last couple of months. So, because my last format was so good, I think I will do another like it.

1. My job: It is still slow and I am only working 4 days but God has been so good at providing just enough for us. I really like serving and the people I work with are really nice.

2. money : Well! God just performed a miracle for us. Jamie has some debt that we have been working on. Well we just found out that a $6300 bill has already been paid off , we just have to update the credit reporters with it!!!!!! Thanks God! So our debt went down considerably!

3. Kids: From the last time we talked to now, my desire for kids has increase 100%! I want a baby so bad and I cannot figure out why. I don't like kids. Well, so I thought. Jamie is the smart one that says we need to wait and spend time together first. (which i agree with) But that doesn't take away the desire. WOMEN help me. What is wrong with me :)
So, I think that we will be having kids sooner than we thought.

4. My relationship with God : It has gotten a lot better. Jamie and I have backed out of a lot of things, which has made time for God and each other. I have never had the desire like I have now to read the stories in the old testament. Its really neat. I feel like I am reading a novel. Not to mention that God has encouraged and taught me so much through the stories.

5. Ministry: Jamie and I are no longer apart of Gifts From God. God has called us away. I had to come to a place in my life to realize that if God is really God, then He doesn't need me. For some reason I think that God needs me to help other people. Well, He doesn't. He used me and it was a privilege but I was loosing my relationship with Him. In order to get it back we needed to leave the ministry. Again this was hard for me cause I thought that if I left that I would be hurting all those women and they would walk away from God. NOT TRUE. They are still going to the bible study and doing really well. Pride is what that is.
So, I am praying and I am pretty sure I am going to join the women's ministry at my church. The demands are A LOT less and I will still be able to be in my passion.

6. My relationship with my husband: We are beginning to settle in a get a routine. Every morning I ask God, why me. Why am I so blessed to have a husband so amazing. He makes coffee every morning for me!, he does the dishes every day!, he is sooooo patient with me!, he encourages me!, he does so much for me!!!!! Just recently we went over our goals and personality test and it was so cool to see how God put us together. Its like a puzzle piece.
I LOVE YOU JAMIE, thank you for being so selfless.

7. My relationship with my dad : As it stands I am CHAMPION at chess. (My dad is the laoo-ze-errrr) We went out to Buffalo Wild Wings on Sunday (Jamie, dad, and I) and watch the Broncos beat the Bucs (Jamie is the laooo-ze-errr) and then went back to dads house and hung out for a little while.

8. Selby : I don't know if I have mentioned this before but she has mange. The doc said she got it from her parents. So she has had to do a 6 week Kimo Dip to get rid of the little bugs. Last night was her last one. YEAH. She gets really tiered and sick for about 4 days after the dip, which rips our hearts out every time we have to do it. So thank God that its all done. We actually went to the vet last Mon and they said all the bugs were gone. (Selby was singing; Aint no bugs on me, aint no bugs on me, there might be bugs on some of you mugs, but there aint no bugs on me!)

We still are thinking about moving to TN. We really want to buy a house but we some how have to save 10% of what the house cost, so if any of you have any extra money lying around.........

Talk at you all latter....

Copy Cat.... My Life

If any of you keep up with my brother's blog you'll find out that this post is a copy cat of his.
I was thinking to myself that I dont talk much about my life on this blog so here's an update of Christine's life.
1. My job.... It has been terribly slow at the Broken Egg. Fortunately for me I have seniority so I have been given good shifts for the next couple of weeks. Praise God.
2. Speaking of money... We are a little tight this time of year in the money category. With Selby needing doc visits and medication we are tight. Luckily, God has given me extra shifts.
3. Kids...... A lot of people keep asking about this area and we still have no idea. We are thinking in a couple of years. A puppy is enough for now!
4. My relationship with God..... Well I think I could write about book about this topic. First off I am reading an awesome book with my dad..... A case for a Creator. It has allot of very interesting points that have seemed like they have been keeping this secret from the world.
As far as my walk right now, I am struggling with the church... well actually the ministry that I volunteer for. It seems like I hold this high expectation because its a church or ministry but the truth is they are people just like I am. Its hard for me to look past peoples hang ups and look into their hearts. I guess that doesn't tell you much about me and God. Last weekend God allowed me to see his work. I have had the privilege of sitting back and watching many lives being transformed before my eyes. Its at times like that, that I ask my self why I doubt God. Recently I have had a new hunger for Him. I have desired to know more and go deeper with Him. I have broken the pattern of caring what people think about me and start focusing on what God thinks about me. I want more. I want to feel more. I want to see more. I want know more. I want to do more.
5. The ministry ... Well over all it is going really well. The women's group on Monday nights has grown to over 20 women now. Women that are hungry for God. Women that have been broken into a million pieces and want to be put their lives back together. It has been an adventure starting this group, and to finally see the vision that God has given us come to pass is one of the coolest things I have ever experienced. Sundays are still awesome. We minister and feed about 300 people every Sunday. I personally go around and pray with individuals. I like meeting people and hearing about their life.
6. My relationship with my dad.... Well we had a break through a couple a weeks ago. As I have expressed in a previous blog my dad and I are not real good about expressing our emotions to each other. As a matter of a fact I dont ever remembering hearing I love you from my dad. Now, you that are reading this DONT JUDGE. Over the past 5 years I have been able to find love poor out of my dad, I just have to look in the right places. As a little girl I always wanted to hear it. I wanted to be loved in the only way I knew. As I have gotten older I have realized that my father loved me and showed me in HIS own way. So it has been a journey learning how to receive the way he gives. So, with out a doubt I know that my father loves me and would do ANY thing for me.
Well just last week I went over to hang out with him and he had express to me that he was going to try to reach out to us. (me and my brother) So knowing my dad I suggested that he e-mail. It would be a lot easier for him to express his emotions that way. And really when I said this I was directing it toward him talking with my brother Michael.
I went home thinking to myself, me and dad are cool. I know he loves me and everything is fine. Theres no "reaching" out or "feeling" stuff that needs to happen between to two of us. Well little did I know. I called my dad the next day to tell him that he had to go see the new Batman movie that just came out. He said ok and asked me if I got his e-mail and I said no. Once I got home it was late and Jamie and I went to bed. At 11:30 at night I asked Jamie if he would mind if I went and checked the e-mail my dad sent me. Of course Jamie said yeah. I went into the computer room and open the e-mail and noticed it was only a couple of sentences. I proceeded to read it :
"I had a great time hanging out last night , I am not good at saying the L word but I can write it... I love you with all my heart. "
As I read it I began to cry uncontrollably. For 2 hours. I didn't ever realize how important that was to me. I will Cherish that e-mail for the rest of my life.

On top of that dad and mom have opened up to me about there relationship which has been awesome. I feel apart of their lives, and I am also learning a lot from it.

7. My husband... I AM LIVING ON CLOUD 9. God couldn't have given me a better man.

Well that's my life in a nut shell.

The first doct visit

We took Selby in for her first doctors visit. At first she was a little scared but after 30 seconds she realized that there where lots of friends in there to play with. (Selby hasn't learned yet that all dogs are not her friend) Doctor Carrie called us in and took lots of looks at her. She then proceeded to tell me that Selby looked like she might have mange and she had to take her in the back to get a skin sample. I said fine, like it was no big deal ...... then I heard Selby crying! My heart broke! Doctor Carrie brought her back in and told me that she did have mange and that it was a pain in the but to get rid of. (And costly). I then teared up, but she said she will be fine in a couple of months. We have to give her medicine, that she really doesn't like, every morning, (that's daddies job) and baths twice a week with special shampoo.

She is still peeing all around the house but has come a long way from when we first brought her home. She doesn't poop as much any more, actually she hasn't pooped in the house in a long time.

Jamie and I have both taken a vote and come to the conclusion that she is by far the cutest puppy in town!!!

We have a name!

Our new addition has been alot of fun. I wasn't sure we would have kids but after seeing Jamie with the puppy it has opened my eyes to how great of a Dad he would be! We will see.....

We were taking a walk yesterday and throwing names in the air for our new puppy. I was thinking we could name her after some of the funnest places we had been. Nashville, Springs, Anna Marie, then it hit me...... SELBY. That's where we got married and its perfect! So, met our new puupy Selby.

Our new addition

Jamie and I have been talking about a puppy ever since we were dating. Well.... we now have one. Jamie kept saying that it would be a year before we got one but thanks to my mom it got him thinking differently sooner. I kept bringing up how fun it would be to have a puppy but Jamie was stuck on that year thing. We went over to my parents house for some good old fun, and my mom made a comment that changed everything. She said "It would actually be good if you guys got a dog, then Christine would learn how to share." I unfortunately had to agree. I've never been one to share well with others.
So, Jamie gave in. We came to a decision that we wanted a Jack Russell/beagle mix. ( I think that Jamie agreed to that kind of dog because he thought that it would be impossible to find. He was thinking that it would take us a year, for sure, to find that mix much less a puppy. Little did he know who he was dealing with.) Off to the pound we went. No luck there. The next day Jamie went to work and determined me, started the search. Really it wasn't a search at all. After looking at the classifieds, I decided to be more specific in my search. I put in the search bar [ puppy for sale in Sarasota Jack Russell/ beagle mix] and sure enough there popped up our pride and joy. She was living with a family in Brookville (which is two hours away) at the time but that didn't matter to me. I called Jamie at work and he didn't seem nearly as excited as I was but after he got home and saw the picture his heart was softened.
So, now here we are, a happy little family with _____ . (Our no name puppy.)

p.s. the drive was the best part! The best conversations happen on long drives. If you ever need to talk to your husband just get him in the car and drive. :)

The Big Day

Theres so much to tell you about. Feb 14th 2008 is when it all began. I thought that planning my wedding would be the funnest days of my life, but it turns out that it was a lot more stressful than I had imagined. My roommate at the time had just gotten married in March and that meant it was time for me to move out. So, since I knew that I was getting married in a couple months I moved in with my parents.
There was so much planning to do! Everyday it seemed like there was something to be done. Everything went smoothly though. My mom was the biggest help. At first I felt like there was a battle over who was in control but once I gave it over to her everything went good from there.
Living at home was not easy. Not because my parents though. At first I thought that it was, but I have recently come to the conclusion it was because I wasn't with Jamie. Going "home" every night was the hardest thing in the world. It seemed like I would leave my heart behind with him. I dreaded sunset because it meant separation.
Threw the months of planning I felt like I was planning for someone else. And still to this day its hard to believe that I got married. The whole time I felt like I was in third person.
Any way lets get to the details.
The day before. At this point I was overly excited. I was pampered in the morning and then headed down to the gardens for rehearsal. Rehearsal went very well. I was nerves and becoming very "on edge" at this point. It began to poor down rain and then off to dinner we went.
At dinner my father gave the most perfect speech I have ever heard. My dad doesn't show his emotions very often so when he does I have to capture every second of it. It was exactly what I needed in the mist of all the stress. Appetizers then came out and during that time Jamie's mom gave a toast as well. It was beautiful. I felt so accepted. It amazed me that I had only meet her once before and yet she loved me like I had been her daughter my whole life. Thank you Jen.
Then Jamie and I said our good byes. The last good bye until the big day.
The night of, was a rough one. I didn't sleep much. I moved back and forth from the bed to the coach trying to get comfy but nothing seemed to work. Finally 8 am came. We (as in all the girls) got up and cooked blueberry pancakes. Now I have to say that I don't remember much of the day but here is what I do remember. (I wish I could post all the pictures because they tell the story much better than I)
After eating breakfast Lesley came over to do our hair. She started out with Carrie and then moved on to Kylie. During this, I was trying to keep myself calm. The girls (Pam and Liz) had come up with a dance to keep me smiling throughout the day. And it worked. I was freaked out! I was so excited and yet so nerves. I took lots of medicine and tried to stay as calm as possible. Then Carrie came in with my present. A present from my soon to be husband. Now you must know that Jamie is horrible about keeping surprises, but he did awesome with this one! As I opened it there was a certificate that read... Christine Elizabeth you have a star named after you. I started to cry, well weep would be a better word. It was the perfect present from the perfect man!
Then it was my turn to get my hair done. It looked beautiful! Before I knew it, it was time to meet the makeup lady at her house. All I have to say about that is wow! She did an amazing job! It was nice going to a house with just the two of us. It was peaceful. We then proceeded to a hair salon on the way to the gardens to pick up my beautiful mother. My mom was good about playing off the stress. She had the whole wedding on her shoulders. But, I could tell she had a lot on her plate. (As you could imagine)
We got to the garden and everything went smooth from there. We got dressed, took pictures, saw family, prayed and anxiously waited for 5:55pm.
5:25 came. Time to start walking down. And it was a walk. This is a time that I treasure. Me and my dad and all the girls walking down to the pavilion. Anxiously, for right then was when all my dreams where comming into reality. They started the precession and soon all that was left was my dad and I. I stood there so nervous, hoping that Jamie would look at me like he did when he asked me to be his wife. As my dad and I started to walk I realized that Jamie hadn't turned around yet! I wanted so bad to see my groom and all I saw was his back! Then..... finally. We locked eyes. Everyone around disappeared. Even my dad. And he didn't look at me like he did the day he asked me to be his wife. He looked at me like I was his wife. Proud and in love. The moment I had been waiting for forever had come to pass. The ceremony was perfect. No flaws. Mike the pastor did an amazing job leading us through our vows. Then came the kiss. We hadn't kissed up to that point. How was it, you ask? It was better than I could have ever imagined. (And believe me I imagined it a lot) The world disappeared. God allowed us to taste a little bit of heaven and experience the love that he has for us with each other. There is no describing it. Go home tonight and kiss you husband or wife like it was the first. Savor the feeling, the taste, the moment, and you will experience a little bit of what we did and still do.

Then to the party! Dinner was great, and the DJ was out of this world. But believe it or not, one of my favorite parts was dancing with my father. I felt at that moment, that he was letting his butterfly go. Entrusting to Jamie his little girl. Handing over the protection and covering to Jamie. I felt more love at that moment then I have my whole life. No words had to be said, just an understanding between a daughter and father. I love you dad. Thank you for that moment.

Then ....... Well you know....... fireworks!!!!
And my dream came true, all because to people fell in love.

The calm before the storm....

It is every girls dream to meet her prince charming, fall in love and live happily ever after. Well this happened for me 4 weeks ago on 6-7-08. I fell in love with my prince charming serving at church in the park; an outreach to those in need. We then started to hang out and as you know quickly started dating. At first, I thought that God was telling me no. Not to date him, but I now know that it was my flesh. In my mind I had created and imaginary husband and his name was Jesus. I would sleep with my pillow at night imagining it being him. I put a ring on my finger and called it my purity ring. I acted as if I was married and wouldn't allow anyone in. Well, as you can imagine this created a big problem between Jamie and I. I felt like I was cheating on God and he felt like I was cheating on him. Praise God, through much prayer and seeking of wise counsel I was set free of that.
Feb 14th 2008, he poped the question. Valentines Day. I had asked him earlier in the week to come up with something special to do on Valentines Day, so when the day came I had high expectations. (Now at this point I knew that the question was going to be ask in Feb or March but I didn't think that it was going to be this week. Let me tell you why; Jamie had a connection with a man that could give him an amazing deal on a ring but unfortunately the guys mom died the week Jamie got his check. Valentines week. So needless to say I was not expecting it to happen for a couple of weeks.) So 5:30 Jamie picks me up and tells me that we are going to Emeralds point. I got really excited. Then he proceeded to tell me that it closed at sunset which was 6:30 and that we were stopping for dinner first. I then started to get upset. It was great that he planned this stuff but by time we got done it would be 7:00pm and we would be board with nothing to do! ON VALENTINES DAY!
So we pick up Mexican food to go and quickly got to Emeralds point. We made it there just in time to see the sunset. 6:15 with 15 minutes allowed to walk to the highest point for the best view. We left the food in the car and hurried to the top. Once we got to the top, all my worries drifted away. It was breathtaking. As he wrapped his arms around me, I started to thank God for he had given me. At that moment Jamie grabbed my right arm turned me around. (His face was the reddest I had ever seen anybodies face before!!) He then said " I feel kinda silly right now" I responded " why"? He then got down on one knee and said because I am asking you to marry me. Going through my head was "OH MY GOSH. What I do? Do I say yes, well he didn't really ask. What do I do, what do I do. " Then I blurted out, "Then ask me." He said "Christine will you marry me?" I said "OF COURSE!" We then stood there hugging for a long time till we realized that the park was closing and we had to leave.
Then the planning started. The funnest yet most stress full time of my life. My mother was the hardest yet biggest help. If it wasn't for her helping I wouldn't have had the wedding of my dreams.
I still think I will wait to tell you about it when I get my pictures in. Then I will be able to show you all as well.

Before it all began..

3 years ago I made a commitment to Christ. A comitment that I would love and follow him for the rest of my life. Well, its been an amazing but challenging journey. I don't think that I am going to venture in to the past today, but some day I will tell you all about it.

To bring you up to date; I just married the man of my dreams. My prince charming and my husband...Jamie.
We have been married now for just under 3 weeks and as you can imagine I am living in, what my mom calls, bliss. It has been the best 3 weeks of my life. Coming home, waking up, drinking coffee, kissing, and just doing life together with the man I love. God has blessed me so much. But it didn't come easy. I was desperate for a man. I thought that I wouldn't be happy until I found one. Well it wasn't until I became 100% completed in Christ that He (God) gave me my husband. 3 long, yet wonderful years of singleness. The first year was the hardest. Lonely and searching for love in the wrong spot. God called me to him during the second year and thats when I began to become content in being alone.
I had the time of my life being single and living for God. God gave me 3 amazing girlfriends to do life and singleness with. I became so content the last year, that when Jamie came along, I fought it all the way. I fought "us". I was happy where I was at. I didnt think that I was ready in God's eyes. But God had a different plan. God had to slap me and wake me up a couple times before I realized what was put in front of me. My prince charming.

Well, I must go for now... but next time I cant wait to tell you about our dream wedding.