A turning point

I have to type fast because it is almost time for Madalyn to wake up from her nap and it is impossible to blog with her awake:)
But I had one of those awe ha moments the other day. I was doing a bible study and in that study the author challenged me to write down my top three fears in life. As I sat there for almost 20 minutes I realized that my number one fear is that God doesn't exist. My other two was not being good enough for my husband and something happening to Madalyn. So, after I wrote them down I started talking to God. Here's how it went down... "God if you don't exist I hate you. Your a liar, and a good one that, and the most despicable man to walk this planet earth, and I look really stupid right now because I am talking to my self. But if you do exist .... Eternity ?! But.... what if I do it... trust you and your not there when I die?" Then God said " Well I guess you would never know it. But what if I do exist and you never trusted me? " I thought on that for a while and realized that when I try to do things on my own its allot harder and I am sure most people would agree that I was not as happy as I am now that I started hanging out with God. So, I asked myself why not? Lets say "even if God doesn't exist" why not live like He does? I am much happier and what if Eternity is real, then what?