Going on week 11

Well, I am sure you know that when some one stops blogging for a while it can mean 2 things. 1. your really busy or 2 life isn't going the way you would like it to and the last thing you want to do is write about it. For me its been number 2.
Life.... Well, I could put a mask on, like I do at work, and smile and say things are great. Why wouldn't they be; right? I am a newly wed, (to the best man on this planet earth) pregnant with my first child and we just bought a house! What more could a girl ask for. This moment is what we look forward to our whole lives and yet I seem to be depressed all the time. I am constantly tired and sick, I hardly ever see my husband and when I do we usually have something to go to (church, small group, friends house), all my energy goes into work, and my relationship with God is none existent. Now, I tell myself about all the good things I have and not to be hard on myself but the reality is... it doesn't make it any better, the depression that is. I don't ever think about taking my own life or doing anything stupid, but I often just lay on the couch with no desire to do anything. I don't want to call anybody, see anybody, read my bible, journal, blog, clean. Nothing. I want to sit there and stare at the wall or the TV. I keep holding on to the Hope that it will get better in a couple weeks, after the first trimester is over, but the truth is I need to get back right with God. It seems that ever since I have gotten married I have put God aside. Jamie is who I go to with everything and just recently realized that I can not put the expectation of God on Jamie. The problem is.... how. How do I get what I once had with God back? Or do I not compair to what I once had and start fresh? What do I do? I realize that I am lonely, empty, faithless, the problem is I don't know how to get back. Some people say read. Read a chapter of the bible a day. But then I think back to when I first became a Christ follower and I read the bible when I wanted and didn't feel like I had to read every day. And I was on top of the world. How do I go back to that? Or do I ever.

So for those of you who believe that there is a God, can you pray for me? I need help, and I think He is the only one that can help.
For those of you who don't believe, I am sorry to bore you, but I think it might be good for you to see that a relationship with our creator isn't all calm waters on a cruise ship, but rather there are points with God that I feel I am in the middle of a storm on a battle ship.