Isreal- wrestling with God

Lets talk about my relationship with God. Its not going very well right now. I feel like I am fighting with God. Kinda like Israel. I know that He is there and that He is holy but I am struggling with Him. A couple of weeks ago I think everything just came to tip. For the past year I have felt my desire weaken for God. Much like my brother and one of my close friends I have lost all desire to DO the "TO DO" list in Christianity. I talked to my brother Michael about it and he had made a comment that has impacted me. He said are you doing the "TO DO" list for God or because you care about what the church thinks of you. And I have to admit that the majority of my motive is for approval from people. I should be doing them because I want to for God. Some examples would be; praying, reading, discipling, going to church service, going to small group, reading any book. I know that it sounds like a really easy lesson but not for me. Now Michael has not gone to church in over a year and yet he has learned to make his relationship between God and him, not between the church, God and him. Does that make sense? Now I am not sure that I completely agree with pulling out of community but I think that what he is doing takes more faith then we think. I think to my self, what freedom he must have. Not feeling obligated to do stuff but to do it only because he loves the Lord and wants to do it. Now, everything in me wants to disagree with this. I am pretty big on accountability and surrounding yourself with friends so that you want fall. But heres the catch; Michael told me that he was meeting with an accountability partner. WOW! Doing it for God, not for people or the church. What faith that must take..... And quite frankly I am sick of religious people, and I was one of them!!! Those who carry a holier then thou attitude. Let me tell you something, NO ONE is holier than thou in the kingdom of God. Get off your high horse. I don't care if you pray everyday or read the bible everyday or if you don't. You are not better than anyone! I don't care if you go to church every week and give 20% or if you don't go to church at all. If you believe in God and that Christ came down and died for all of us and when you accept Him He forgives you, then you MUST believe that He loves every human for just the way they are! Now, I don’t agree with people who claim to be Christian and yet are hypocrites; if you are going to intentionally sin then don’t claim yourself to be a Christ follower! But I think that if don’t do what the "church" wants us to do that is okay! Have we asked God what HE wants us do to? The problem is, that half the time I don’t hear Him and I turn to the church for advice and end up doing what people want and not what God wants. This is why I admire my brother so much. What would be the last thing that the "church" would tell you? To stop coming right? Well, Michael has sought out God instead! What faith.... To go against people and do what he needed to do with God.